About the man that stopped me in the street
Door: Suzanski
Blijf op de hoogte en volg Suzanne
27 April 2016 | Spanje, Madrid
We mainly started of talking about where we were from, but the conversation tended to evolve more and more about me. That said however, It didn’t really mattered what I actually said. As soon as he found out that I am some kind of Dutch-Indonesian mix, all things I said that weren’t in full agreement with him were laughed away and marked as ''I like this Dutch-Indonesian thing you got going on so it is okay''. The strange thing was that I didn’t notice it right away. I naively kept continuing the conversation doing my usual laugh about life thing and try to be interested in this other person since we are all human beings. I stupidly ended up giving my Slovenian number as it will expire in two months anyway. This was me just trying to be open to meeting new people.
When the conversation had ended and I walked along towards the park, I began analyzing the conversation. I started wondering why it was that I from all people in that street was the one this person decided to talk to. Why didn’t he introduce himself to the old lady sitting on the bench, the bald man walking behind me or the kid with glasses walking in the opposite direction? They probably would have had interesting stories to tell. How did the man respond to what I said and how many empty compliments did he make. How many remarks about my looks were thrown into the conversation and how many looks given did I regard as something probably meaningless even though they did make me feel uncomfortable. What did he actually tell about himself? If this guy wanted to have a good conversation with me, I should know more about him than I do, shouldn’t I? The conversation would have been more two directional, not me answering his questions and him avoiding mine. Frankly, the more I thought about possibly seeing this person again, the more I felt at unease.
When replying to his text I tried to make the point that the feeling remained after the little conversation we had was that I was ‘selected’, based on the shape of my nose, eyes and my skin color, regardless of my words. The reply I received was about how he just wanted to have a conversation to get to know someone based on facts and that he had given me a positive compliment about the way I looked and the kindness in my eyes right at the beginning. He wasn’t saying anything that didn’t seem true. That’s where I get kind of mad at myself for not telling him no right away. For not letting him know my slight unease and not pointing out to him what he actually seemed to be saying. Instead I had convinced myself that this person was just nice without intentions. Still I knew my message hadn’t come across.
However, this is also the moment when I start doubting how I feel about the situation and about my judgment. Wasn’t this person actually jut nice without intentions? He actually seems like a nice guy. Is this not just me being scared of the unknown? Shouldn’t I just have more faith in humanity and go for a coffee with this stranger? What would be the worst thing that could happen? However my gut tells me my decision not to go was right and that calms me down. Now I will never know what would have happened if I would have made time to go for coffee.
Still I can’t stop but thinking about the whole event. A kind of event that unfortunately I cannot say only happened to me once. It seems as though we live in a world where everyone desperately wants pretty things and wants to look pretty. Are we objectifying too much and lacking empathy? Was this me being objectified? Or is this classic feministic me feeling like I am not taken seriously? Overreacting off course, right? Nearly a week later I receive another text: “let’s have that drink in town”. But my naiveté has vanished, that is not going to happen man.
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Je kunt nu ook Smileys gebruiken. Via de toolbar, toetsenbord of door eerst : te typen en dan een woord bijvoorbeeld :smiley